Confusion

Have you ever been confused about what you feel?  Well, that's where I am right now.  Lately, I have discovered that when you do some things, you really have to move forward and not look back.  There's no changing what has been done, and you have to live with it once it's been done.  One of those things is grades, once you fail something, you really don't have the time to sit and mull over it, you just have to glance at it, see what needs to be done and get going on a plan to get up to at least close to where you want to be.  Another would be saying something that really should just not have been said.  Can't really go back and change it, but you can either apologize or, if that really won't do anything, live with what you've done.  It sucks.  Major.

It's also funny how your standard for doing things decline with time, how you become more lax as time moves along.  Take my homework for example, I used to be a total perfectionist, all of it had to be perfect, nice and neat, every answer checked twice for accuracy.  Now, I just get through the stuff, double check some things that I'm not 100% sure on, and then move on to the next task at hand.  And there's how I used to be able to eat a balanced day's worth of food, healthy, not too much, not too little.  I just ate when I was hungry.  Now I can't seem to eat what would be smart and at just the right amount.  The changes that have happened to what I used to be and what I am are a bit irritating to be honest.

All of these things along with some others are making my life stressful in the emotional and mental aspects.  Learning how to deal with these issues is something entirely different altogether really.  First, you have to learn what's really eating at you, so find the real issue, the root of the stress because the root is what is really causing all these other things to bother you in the first place.  Then, once you've found it, you have to figure out how to fix it so that the root is no longer causing problems, which usually means digging it out of your life completely.  After the root is gone, you have to learn to live without it there, which is really the hardest part, because you were so used to it being there that you want it there again to bring back the normalcy that you once enjoyed so much.  I don't know about you, but I don't like change very much for the most part.  Once I get used to it, I'm okay, but nothing seems right at first.

After all that, you come back and ask yourself, now what?