1's and 0's

I was helping my mom with some of her studying for a computer class she is taking, and one of the things she was required to understand was another language of sorts called Binary Coding (not necessarily capitalized haha but it adds emphasis).  This is the coding that consists of solely 1's and 0's that you see in computers and other similar types of technology in movies.  You see a character enter a code constituting some sort of command or a password in a computer and a whole slew of seemingly random 1's and 0's run through the screen.  These numbers are actually convertible into words, symbols, other numbers, and a whole bunch of other crazy stuff.

My mom had me look through her notes to see if I knew any of the stuff she was studying so perhaps I could help her out, but since this is a 300's class, I knew very little though I recognized a bunch of the terminology and whatnot from experiences I've had with various computers and software.  The one thing that caught my eye in her notes was this concept of binary coding.  I had heard of the language of the computers before, but I had never understood how to convert from normal language to the code or vice versa.

I proceeded to do some research online, and I quickly learned how to use this code, albeit with an aide which I found on the following site:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ASCII 

The whole conversion process involves nothing but multiplying and dividing by 2 and keeping track of remainders.  Which is pretty simple to pretty much anyone in or past the 4th grade.  I tried to explain this process to my mom, but she didn't take to the idea as quickly as I though she would... Like me she thinks far too much into things and makes it waaaaaay more complicated than it should be, haha.  My friend sitting there and listening in got it right away though, so maybe I'm not all that bad of a teacher :)

It was definitely cool to learn :)

Awesome = 100 0001 111 0111 110 0101 111 0011 110 1111 110 1101 110 0101

Bringing things down to size

It is interesting to me that whenever I am brought down to size (excuse the pun, for those of you who know me, haha), I am a lot more understanding and kind to those I come in contact with.

For the last couple of days, I have had some sort of sickness, which caused me to cough and sneeze, and my nose was running and plugged at the same time (which is highly irritating during class, especially when you're trying to take notes...).  Day two added a fever with chills, loss of pain tolerance (which is really bad if you have a high pain tolerance to begin with), and an almost continual headache.  These combined symptoms and my refusal to take medication, just made it an amazing day.  However, I did make sure to get a lot more sleep than I normally do, so today (day 3) has been a lot more tolerable.

Anyway, I felt more compelled to go random small acts of kindness today than I have in a long time.  I was in the bathroom and noticed that a young woman was blowing her nose with the toilet paper, which as I well knew by this point, rubbed your nose raw.  I finished drying my hands, reached into my backpack, and offered her a couple of tissues, saying I knew that the toilet paper killed when you use it on your nose.  She smiled and thanked me heartily.  Hopefully she gets better soon; I know how tough it can be to be sick and have to go to school with no tissues...  It may sound petty, but the little things can be huge factors in how a day turns out when you're sick.

Perhaps, it's these vulnerable times in life that show us just how human we are.   

Quote of the Day - Literally

"Not literally, just, uh you know, literally"

-A funny friend-

Background Music

Today, I was walking on campus on my way to meet someone, and I passed a guy playing his guitar and singing.  He really wasn't all that bad; he had a decent disposition and voice, and his playing complimented his singing.  I thought about saying something kind or encouraging to him, but I really couldn't think of anything to say at that moment.  Although I didn't say anything, I did feel grateful for the musical addition to my day; there's something about music that speaks to people, and that is why I wish that life would have more background music, haha.  It would make the day so much more interesting!  Just think, at an epic moment in your life when you witness something awesome, wouldn't a score of music like those in movies make that moment all the more epic?  However, if you were having a downer moment, where your in a fight, would music really make that time more enjoyable? Or would it make the moment more deeply depressing/angering?

Either way, I'd like more background music in my life, so I have decided to try a day with my iPod and earbuds going all day to accent the epic and crazy moments of my life.  This oughta be interesting ;)

(Yes, I realize that the elevator music is background music, but if you're like me and take the stairs and only take the elevator when I absolutely have to, you won't be hearing it.)

100!

I just wanted to throw a line out to my mini audience of readers and say thanks for reading!  This is my 100th post for 2010, and I really appreciate the feedback I get from you guys, no matter what form it comes in :)
I definitely wouldn't have written about as much stuff as I have if I didn't have you guys to read it!

Thanks!! You guys are awesome! :D

Quote of the Day - Just a little backwards there...

"Okay, I have to let you go.  I have to go wake up my mom, get her all loaded up and off to school... Wow, that sounded really backwards didn't it? Hahahaha!!!"  

-Tia Alsleben-

Lacking Inspiration

So.... as you may or may not have noticed, I haven't had anything extremely cool or interesting to say lately, haha.  I haven't really seen much to write about lately.  I'm sure there is a lot out there to see and make some sort of connection to, but I just haven't seen them.

The only thing that has stood out to me lately is a picture I actually attempted to sketch.  I thought it was so majestic.  I'm sure it's copyrighted by the photographer, so I take no credit for the photo.

 

And the following picture is my version of it... It's not the best copy of it, I'll admit.

The second one I take full credit for! :)  It's not the best sketch, but I had fun drawing it.

Random Word of the Moment - Imago

1.  An idealized concept of a loved one, formed in childhood and retained unaltered in adult life.

2.  Entomology . An adult insect.

Quote of the Day - Audrey Hepburn

"For beautiful eyes, look only for the good in others;
For beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness;

For poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone."

-Audrey Hepburn-

Quote of the Day - Playing stupid

"I'm not playing stupid, I'm seriously stupid!"

-R.W.-

Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.  The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling down and getting hurt.  Instead, they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren't as good, but easy.  So the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when, in reality, they are amazing.  They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

-Unknown-

Happy days are here again :)

It's amazing how much one person can make a day so much better. :) 
It's also amazing how a crappy week can make a Monday seem like heaven, haha.

Quote of the Day - Danger

"Forget the warnings and plunge into the disaster."

-Tia Alsleben-

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and I was describing my personal approach to life.  I often find myself liking to learn the hard way, and this phrase is my version of saying something in a poetic way, haha.  I find it is easier to remember the lessons learned from disasters than I do when someone tells me not to do something.  It's a dangerous way to go, but it's the way I tend to learn, sadly enough.  Sometimes, though definitely not always, "it is better to ask forgiveness than permission" (Eragon).

So, it just occurred to me that time can make things funny AND not funny. Let me explain...
Sometimes things are funny when they happen, right? Yet other things are only funny days, months or years later... Don't you think that's weird that time not only alters our perception of things but also changes the way they tickle us... Hmmm, Just  a little food for thought. :)

-Brian Harada-

Anger

If there's one thing I've learned in life about anger, it's that I always have to stop right then and back off before I do or say something stupid.  When I was younger, I immediately let it all out, all the thoughts that sprang to my mind gushed out and stabbed those within hearing distance.  Granted, I was never a violent child, haha, but I did have a knack for knowing just what to say to cut you down speechless. 

These days, I just shut up.  I stop talking and often just stop thinking for at least ten seconds.  Then, I allow myself to think, but I always do my best to just not say any more at that point.  If someone can get me to say something when I'm here, it's either because I see my mistake and am repentant, or they just hit a raw nerve within me, and I couldn't just keep my mouth shut.  I find that silence is often more powerful than yelling, screaming, or just saying things that aren't kind.  People really listen when you stop talking or responding, for the most part that is.  If they have nothing to argue with, often either side will lose ground, and you both have the chance to think before you say things.

Someone close to me hit a raw nerve of mine today.  I felt that instead of saying all the stuff that immediately pulsed through my head, I should take a break from all of it and get my thoughts together first.  The first reaction I always have is defense, deflecting any and all blame possible.  Perhaps this is human nature, but I see it as something I learned from arguing with particular people all my life.  If I could keep the blame off of my shoulders, I could get away with anything and everything.  Obviously, this isn't the way to go; it's wrong to always blame others and run from what you had coming.  Besides being a coward, it's just not taking the punches for what you did wrong, in my eyes.

My biggest way of evaluating my anger, irritation, or just an upset is writing.  If there is something I really need to work out, but I just really can't see past my own sense of self-righteousness, I write.  Whether it be on my blog, in my personal journal, or in some other place I love to just sit and let it all out onto the pages.

After writing all of this, I think that my nerve doesn't feel as violated, haha.  In this particular instance, I believe I was truly at fault.  Perhaps, my friend did do something to cause it, but all the same, it was my reaction that really should be my concern. 
Well, I'm gonna go work this out.  Deep breaths, sigh, calm thoughts... :)

Quotes of the Day - It's Fred!!

"I know the one in the underwear!"

-Tia Alsleben-

"Constition Trivia"

-People who can't spell- 

Trust me with all your heart... 

I'll be there if you fall.

Backwards...sdrawkcaB

Oh snap, that title is legit, haha.
Aaaanyway, I was having an okay day today; for some reason I was a bit more sensitive than usual... Probably because of the bumper cars incident, haha.  Then, my day kinda went good, I had some amazing tamales and an enchilada at a really good Mexican restaurant (food can heal the soul, ya know).  By this time I was rockin' in life; things seemed to be looking up.
Then, reality.... a certain event occurred, which I will not describe, (but it's not cool, just so you know) and I thought for sure that I would be upset and angry and that I would just lose it at last.  However, the strangest thing happened.  I started laughing...

The moment I was out of there and driving home, I was alone in the car, with the radio on and the windows down, and I was laughing out loud.  It was euphoric - the best of laughter - the kind where you smile and you just can't stop; you laugh, and it feels like it's coming from your heart rather than your stomach; and you can feel your very eyes smiling even when you aren't physically smiling.

I was so blown away by the experience; it was so random.  And to make it even more interesting, I found it funny that I was laughing right after that event, which should of had me down again.  So I laughed some more, while I sang to the radio - all the way home - all 45 minutes of it.

I gotta tell ya, maybe I did lose it today, finally, but I can't think of a better and more satisfying way to "lose it" in all of eternity.  Perhaps, my friends, you think that, at last, I am going crazy; that's alright.  Either way, I think my sun is finally setting on the bad days and rising on a fresh, new and glorious day, despite the odd means of it making it to the horizon. :) 

Ouch...

Ever have those days where everything seems to go very wrong?  Or a day when you can't seem to do anything right?  That was my day today.  It's these days that we need the most understanding and love, but how often do we get them?

I woke up late, realized I needed clean hair and washed it, kept forgetting essential things in the house, and finally left the house... a half an hour late.  As irritated as I was about that, I told myself to calm down and just focus on getting there as soon as I possibly could so I wouldn't be any later than I already was.  I was making good time despite the traffic, and right after I exited the freeway, I thought to call and let the person who was waiting on me know that I was almost there so that they would be ready, and we could leave.  I looked ahead of me to see if there was anyone close enough to hit and there was only this older pick-up about 50 or 75 feet out from me moving along at a decent speed.  I mentally calculated that I wouldn't catch up to him at that speed.  I looked to grab my phone checked the road again and then looked at the phone and dialed quickly. Right when I got the number into the phone I looked up to see the bumper of that truck about one and a half feet from the front of the my car... There were no break lights the light had been and still was green in front of him, and I had no idea how I had gotten that close to him so fast.  Either way, my instincts kicked in and I slammed on the breaks, only to smack right into his trailer hitch... which left a delightful rectangular incision in my front bumper. 
By the grace of God I did absolutely no damage whatsoever to his pickup,and the guy I hit, though he treated me like an idiotic kid with no experience in driving, was quite merciful and agreed to let me go with no police involvement or insurance or anything, but as the car I was driving wasn't mine, I knew I'd have to tell the owner what happened and that I'd pay for the damage.  Paying for the damage wasn't my problem, admitting to the accident before they discovered it on their own was a different matter altogether...

I never did work up the courage to say anything, though I didn't just leave it there for them to find either.  I sat and watched as they discovered the new bumper job and admitted to exactly what happened.  Of course, said person was very upset, mostly because I didn't just say something.  However, I don't know about you guys, but, when you know beyond a doubt that the person you have to tell something to is either going to over-react or just react in a way that you feel completely out of control and vulnerable to whatever they have to say and/or do, you have that overwhelming urge to stay silent and let what comes come, for better or worse.  I was scared of the reaction I'd get, but I knew that leaving things without repairing the damage made would NOT be right AT ALL.  I'm not that stupid, haha; I might be an idiot sometimes, but I am NOT that stupid, haha.

As the events of today played out, I was thinking about the sympathy and understanding I was hoping and wishing for but wasn't really getting from the people I needed it from the most.  It made my day so much worse to be bashed this way and that, rather than the simple disappointment and possibly even forgiveness that I was wanting.  It got me thinking, do I show compassion, mercy, and easy forgiveness to the people who do me wrong or make a mistake that affects me?  The thought stumped me.  Of course, my first thoughts were defensive, "well of course I do!"  However, as I tried to think of specific times when I had been understanding and merciful in these kinds of situations, I had a very hard time thinking of any.  Being a logical person I needed those solid pieces of evidence to believe that I was as great of a person, but I wasn't coming up with the proof I needed....

The whole thought process convicted my mind and heart, and I felt truly sorry for all the times I had snapped at someone, when, clearly, it was an accident, and they didn't mean for it to happen at all.  I realized how much it hurt to be on the receiving end of things.  Obviously I needed to do something that was so stupid and accidental to really truly understand that I haven't been the kindest to those around me.
I realized that it has actually been a long time since I last had a really bad day.  I was more thankful for the good in my life after all of that happened, honestly. 

I believe that everything that happens happens for a reason.  The purpose of my downer day was to teach me just how selfish I can be with my time, money, kindness, mercy and love.  If I've learned anything, it's that everyone needs that mercy and love that I wished I could've had, and I definitely need to be sure to be patient with those who need it and show mercy, rather than say or do things I might regret later.

Quote of the Day - Broken

"We live lives that are hopelessly broken and we know it."

-Paul Tillich-

In response to Mr. Tillich's quote, I'd like to say that I know I am broken, but instead of focusing on the fact that I am broken beyond repair, I choose to embrace the pieces and do my best to put them back together each day and make them work in a way that positively influences the world.

Quote of the Day - I was reading....

"To make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe."

-Carl Sagan-

Thirsty?

Kinda make you want some coke right?

Take the Time

I am a writer by nature, and a psychologist by divine design.  I often find myself in my own little world, just thinking about things.  This concept of being in my own little world came from a song I heard on the radio the other day.  The singer talked about how he had to step out of his little bubble and see the world around him, to see the problems other people are facing.  Sometimes it takes a nice tap from reality for me to realize that there's definitely more to life than just simply living.  Connecting with people on a day to day basis and learning to help whenever given the opportunity despite the inconvenience it might do to our day is definitely a trait I'd like to enhance and perfect in myself.  Understanding what people are going through is no big deal to me, but taking the time to do it is a completely different thing altogether.

The events of 9-11 have changed the way we live in almost every way.  Airport security, political views, economical issues... all of these things are silent reminders of the tragedy that occurred clear back in 2001.
As I was walking on campus today, I saw a type of memorial set up in the grass.

Perhaps I am missing something, but the whole set up seemed empty of emotion.  I felt inclined to joke about the memorial.  It was the oddest thing.  Usually I am very reverent of anything dealing with this day and the people who lost their lives there, leaving countless individuals and families with missing loved ones - holes in their lives.  It wasn't the stone there honoring the service members, but the flags in the grass seemed out of place, almost as if putting them there over-glorified the event and made it into something like the Fourth of July.
They might as well have put forks in the place of those flags; it literally felt like some sort of joke....  Why did it feel so out of place and wrong?  Was it too vivacious for this tragedy?  Am I the one who's out of place?

9 Years Ago

Nine years ago, at exactly this time in the morning in New York City, "a hijacked passenger jet, American Airlines Flight 11 out of Boston, Massachusetts, crashe[d] into the north tower of the World Trade Center, tearing a gaping hole in the building and setting it afire."  (CNN)

This event was only the beginning of the tragedy that would forever be known as 9-11.  It changed the world as we all knew it.  A tremendous amount of lives were destroyed, and a war that would last for many years to come began.
Americans seem to be born with a sense of invincibility.  We all seem to believe that nothing could ever touch us, and even if they got close, we'd stop them and end it right then and there before anyone had a chance to see any real action.  September 11, 2001 changed all of that.  People were suddenly insecure, demanding that the government protect them.  Children were suddenly aware of the definition of terrorism.  Neighbors became uneasy because of the color of skin that one family on the block had. 

I'd like to take a moment to remember those whose lives were taken from them and to honor those who lost someone that day.  I'd also like to thank the soldiers overseas for going and doing their duty, and the families who have sacrificed so much so that they could go and take care of business.  I'd also like to honor those who served in the efforts for rescue and aid to those at ground zero that day and the days following.

God bless you all, and God bless America.

http://archives.cnn.com/2001/US/09/11/chronology.attack/
The above link accesses a page that contains the chronological events of 9-11-01.

Common sense anyone? Guess not...

"It's just how humans work we know the facts but we still do it anyway just like eating a hot pepper or grabbing a plate or bowl out of the microwave or putting your hand on a burner or playing with fire"

R.W.

Perfectly stated, so simple but true. As humans, we often know that the things we do to ourselves or to others even is foolish or idiotic, but we do it anyway. I guess in a way we all have that sense of invincibility and we need to hit ourselves over the head every once in a while (not literally, but I could definitely see some crazy teenager or college student doing something like that, haha) to realize just how vulnerable we truly are.

Underwear fight!

Sunsets

I love crazy looking sunsets like this one, which I got to witness a couple of days ago. They remind me that no matter what you may be going through, there will always be an end to it, good or bad, and a new beginning after it's all said and done.
Our sad days can end in rain without the beauty of a sunset, but it still sets all the same, leaving us with the coolness of night and the promise of a new morning after the storm.
Sadly, this also applies to our happy moments, they too must come to an end sometime, but these are often the radiant sunsets that we revel in and watch until the sun sinks under the horizon, leaving beautiful and slowly fading colors to remind us of that time.
So, no matter what sunset you may be facing today, remember that there's a sunrise on its way. :)

I am from...

by Tia Alsleben

I am from the dense cities, empty fields, and lush rain forests,

from dry heat, vast oceans, and simple plains.

I am from innovative leadership, quiet submission, boisterous laughter, and loads of sarcasm.

From free-to-be thinkers and controlling dictators,

from conformists and revolutionaries, liberals and conservatives.

I am from Narnia, Naboo, and Alagëasia,

from the fantastic world of imagination, the beautiful lands of dreams, the bittersweet slap of reality.

I am from the intelligent, the over-opinionated, the determined, the irrational, and the logical.

I am from two worlds.

Quote of the Day - Fish

"I'm giving my furry fish a haircut."

Katie Bloom

Guys, the soft ones in a relationship?

I am in a sociology class, and we had an assignment to look up some studies that have been recently studied by sociologists. I found an article on the relationship between substance abuse and romantic relationships in the two years following high school. Apparently, if a teenager just out of high school is in a relationship he/she is 40% less likely to use damaging substances like alcohol or marijuana, than if he/she was single during that time. However, if the individual's boyfriend/girlfriend is a substance user, that same person can also be inclined to start using what his/her partner is using. So, if you are in a relationship you influence your spouse's/boyfriend's/girlfriend's substance use.

My article wasn't as interesting to me as the one a bunch of other people found. It was about guys being more shaken up by relationship issues than girls. I found that interesting because it always seems like the girl is the emotional wreck after a relationship ends, but guys are actually silently hurting more.
The reason for this is that women are naturally inclined to have deep relationships with the people they become friends with, while men tend to keep the relationships pretty much on the surface level especially with his guy buddies, parents, and so forth (not so much with friends that are girls though). Therefore, when a guy goes into a relationship, he allows himself to have a deeper relationship with her, and he is more emotionally involved. So if there are any troubles between them, he is very shaken up since he isn't used to being so emotionally attached to the situation. Females on the other hand normally form deeper connections with their girlfriends or even their guy friends, so when the hard times hit, they are more accustomed to the emotional turmoil and are able to deal with it better.

So guys are mush balls under all that tough, manly crap :) Eh, it's not a bad thing; girls tend to like when a guy has both of those particular two dimensions to them: the tough guy and the sensitive sweetheart. Of course, there are a lot more than just those two levels to a guy, but those other ones vary from guy to guy I think.

For me, this was interesting because it never occurred to me that this is how guys are, and it makes perfect sense to me. It's one of those moments where I bang my forehead on the table and say to myself, "gosh, I shoulda known that..." Haha, ah well, ya learn something new everyday. So to all the guys out there, I apologize for all the girls who like to toy around with your hearts. People always seem to look down on the guy when a girl comes out of a relationship seeming destroyed within, which can be very unfair. Thanks for being the macho guys and the cute mushballs, us girls love :)


Some of the information above was purely my opinion/thoughts, but a lot of it came from the following articles, which can be found through the following links:

Relationships Can Lower Substance Use in Young People
http://www.asanet.org/press/relationships_and_substance_use.cfm

Study: Young Men More Vulnerable Than Women to Relationship Ups and Downs
http://www.asanet.org/press/relationship_ups_and_downs.cfm

A Blessing and a Eulogy

The word "bless" comes from a Greek word meaning "to speak well of" (or something close to that lol). This is actually where we get our word eulogy from. I found this to be a really funny coincidence, since I just posted a blog entry about legacies. If you're missing the connection here, eulogies are those great speeches that chosen people give at funerals, which describe just how amazing and special the particular deceased person was - when he/she was alive. Essentially the individual who gives the eulogy is describing the legacy of the person who passed away. Granted, these are usually pretty candy-coated; I mean, you never seem to hear someone bash on the dead at their funeral.

I found it interesting that the word for "bless" in Greek brought about those two particular words. When I think of blessings, I don't think of the dead. I think of the homeless or those who have been dealt a rough set of cards in life. I think of giving things, not necessarily kind words, though they too can also be a blessing.

What I pulled out of this was that the connection between these two words is something to think about. To me, there is absolutely no point in blessing someone after they are dead. None. Zilch. Nada. Yeah you can speak well of them or acknowledge their faults or funny idiosyncrasies, but they don't care... They're kind of gone... Yes, I am all for honoring the dead, remembering them and what they have done, but I say leave the blessing part for the living. Do we really have to see someone die before we can say something kind and complimentary about them?

Quote of the Day - Random guy on campus

"When I see an Asian who has dyed their hair blonde, I want to cry."

-Random guy talking to his Asian guy friend on Campus-

A Legacy

Besides being a really cool word to say, haha, legacy is the topic of the day. :)
Wooo, rhyming skills! Yes! haha

Aaaanyway, since I started my college classes I have found myself either not thinking at all or thinking about something deep and perceptive. It's a vicious cycle, lemme tell ya. Lately, I have thought a lot about depression, death, and other such dark topics. Ever since, my episode with death, I have found a true passion for that subject, especially when related to depression and stuff like that; it intrigues me in a way, and though I'll never actually try to experience death, I have thought about it.

When thinking about death I think of what and who I'll be leaving behind. I experience a little of what people think of me here and there, but I can never really know what people honestly think about me either because they don't know themselves, or they may be afraid of telling me for various reasons. Thinking about leaving people behind, I wonder how I have affected their lives. All of us leave a mark on those we come in contact with for the most part. Granted, the random people you see walking by you on the street might see you, and absolutely nothing has changed about their day, much less their life, except the fact that they saw yet another random person walking by them. Of course this would be a different scenario if you were the only person they saw walking that day, but that's another rabbit trail I'll leave behind.

So, what will I leave behind? Well, I suppose I'd have to look at the people who I know best: my parents, my extended family, my best friends, my romantic relations, my teachers/professors, and the list goes on and on and on.... Then, I examine what I have changed in their lives.

My parents are pretty obvious; if I hadn't been born they would have had very different lives... No duh.... What about the people I haven't known my whole life or that haven't known me their whole lives? High school friends, for example. How have I affected them positively? Negatively? How many lives have I touched? How many have I touched without the knowledge of doing so?

It's truly incredible how much of an effect one person can have on the world. The ripple effect of one life is quite amazing if you think about it. It reminds me of the old yet classic movie, It's a Wonderful Life. Those burning questions: what would have happened to the people I know and had known if I had never existed? It's a hard question to answer; obviously we never know what could have happened, but I probably think about it a little more than others might.

Looking at my own life, I have a somewhat difficult time figuring out what my legacy might be. I like to think that I have done a lot of good in people's lives, but I know that I have broken some hearts, bent some knees, and opened some eyes. Would people have been better off without me? That's a tough question, really. First of all, to answer no would sound very self-centered in a way, haha. Second, there are a lot of factors that play into such an answer. For example, my parents may have never been married so long, perhaps they would've had a different child who was born much later than I was, which would, of course, have changed their lives as well. Or maybe they wouldn't have any kids and would have divorced long ago, if they ever got married at all.

If I could die and walk around for a week after my death, and come back I'm not sure if I would. Honestly, I would love to. It would be so interesting to find out what people say about me when I'm no longer a part of this world, but at the same time, knowing all this stuff about what people think of me might change how I treat certain people, I might be totally different after I returned. That could be a good or a bad thing, I guess.

My point in all of this is simply that, as I examine what I am composed of as an individual, I find that there are some areas in my life that I would like to change about myself. There are also things that I am proud to be. What are some things that you would like to have as part of your legacy? A good writer? Funny? Intelligent? Interesting personality? Fun to be around? A mentor to someone? A good friend to everyone?

What is your legacy?

the day starts with the sun, the night with the moon, the length of one day goes by too soon. the light of our days leave us happy and gay, but as darkness descends our elations decay. the darkness a reminder that we'll all meet an end that we're unafraid we cannot pretend. IT's the train in the tunnel we can't see but hear, a chill down the spine as we seize up in fear, the vibrations grow stronger, the train is near, an imminent fate so we cry our last tear. why must we worry about things we can't change, its outcome fixed, we can't rearrange. an incessant need to ignore and deny, our preservation instincts insist that we lie. we rely on happiness to get through this life, to brighten the dark times filled with trouble and strife. keep hold of the things that make you smile, cast away such thoughts that call themselves vile, immerce yourself into the state of denile and maybe you'll live for awhile.

Jamie Quarles