Ouch...

Ever have those days where everything seems to go very wrong?  Or a day when you can't seem to do anything right?  That was my day today.  It's these days that we need the most understanding and love, but how often do we get them?

I woke up late, realized I needed clean hair and washed it, kept forgetting essential things in the house, and finally left the house... a half an hour late.  As irritated as I was about that, I told myself to calm down and just focus on getting there as soon as I possibly could so I wouldn't be any later than I already was.  I was making good time despite the traffic, and right after I exited the freeway, I thought to call and let the person who was waiting on me know that I was almost there so that they would be ready, and we could leave.  I looked ahead of me to see if there was anyone close enough to hit and there was only this older pick-up about 50 or 75 feet out from me moving along at a decent speed.  I mentally calculated that I wouldn't catch up to him at that speed.  I looked to grab my phone checked the road again and then looked at the phone and dialed quickly. Right when I got the number into the phone I looked up to see the bumper of that truck about one and a half feet from the front of the my car... There were no break lights the light had been and still was green in front of him, and I had no idea how I had gotten that close to him so fast.  Either way, my instincts kicked in and I slammed on the breaks, only to smack right into his trailer hitch... which left a delightful rectangular incision in my front bumper. 
By the grace of God I did absolutely no damage whatsoever to his pickup,and the guy I hit, though he treated me like an idiotic kid with no experience in driving, was quite merciful and agreed to let me go with no police involvement or insurance or anything, but as the car I was driving wasn't mine, I knew I'd have to tell the owner what happened and that I'd pay for the damage.  Paying for the damage wasn't my problem, admitting to the accident before they discovered it on their own was a different matter altogether...

I never did work up the courage to say anything, though I didn't just leave it there for them to find either.  I sat and watched as they discovered the new bumper job and admitted to exactly what happened.  Of course, said person was very upset, mostly because I didn't just say something.  However, I don't know about you guys, but, when you know beyond a doubt that the person you have to tell something to is either going to over-react or just react in a way that you feel completely out of control and vulnerable to whatever they have to say and/or do, you have that overwhelming urge to stay silent and let what comes come, for better or worse.  I was scared of the reaction I'd get, but I knew that leaving things without repairing the damage made would NOT be right AT ALL.  I'm not that stupid, haha; I might be an idiot sometimes, but I am NOT that stupid, haha.

As the events of today played out, I was thinking about the sympathy and understanding I was hoping and wishing for but wasn't really getting from the people I needed it from the most.  It made my day so much worse to be bashed this way and that, rather than the simple disappointment and possibly even forgiveness that I was wanting.  It got me thinking, do I show compassion, mercy, and easy forgiveness to the people who do me wrong or make a mistake that affects me?  The thought stumped me.  Of course, my first thoughts were defensive, "well of course I do!"  However, as I tried to think of specific times when I had been understanding and merciful in these kinds of situations, I had a very hard time thinking of any.  Being a logical person I needed those solid pieces of evidence to believe that I was as great of a person, but I wasn't coming up with the proof I needed....

The whole thought process convicted my mind and heart, and I felt truly sorry for all the times I had snapped at someone, when, clearly, it was an accident, and they didn't mean for it to happen at all.  I realized how much it hurt to be on the receiving end of things.  Obviously I needed to do something that was so stupid and accidental to really truly understand that I haven't been the kindest to those around me.
I realized that it has actually been a long time since I last had a really bad day.  I was more thankful for the good in my life after all of that happened, honestly. 

I believe that everything that happens happens for a reason.  The purpose of my downer day was to teach me just how selfish I can be with my time, money, kindness, mercy and love.  If I've learned anything, it's that everyone needs that mercy and love that I wished I could've had, and I definitely need to be sure to be patient with those who need it and show mercy, rather than say or do things I might regret later.