Anger

If there's one thing I've learned in life about anger, it's that I always have to stop right then and back off before I do or say something stupid.  When I was younger, I immediately let it all out, all the thoughts that sprang to my mind gushed out and stabbed those within hearing distance.  Granted, I was never a violent child, haha, but I did have a knack for knowing just what to say to cut you down speechless. 

These days, I just shut up.  I stop talking and often just stop thinking for at least ten seconds.  Then, I allow myself to think, but I always do my best to just not say any more at that point.  If someone can get me to say something when I'm here, it's either because I see my mistake and am repentant, or they just hit a raw nerve within me, and I couldn't just keep my mouth shut.  I find that silence is often more powerful than yelling, screaming, or just saying things that aren't kind.  People really listen when you stop talking or responding, for the most part that is.  If they have nothing to argue with, often either side will lose ground, and you both have the chance to think before you say things.

Someone close to me hit a raw nerve of mine today.  I felt that instead of saying all the stuff that immediately pulsed through my head, I should take a break from all of it and get my thoughts together first.  The first reaction I always have is defense, deflecting any and all blame possible.  Perhaps this is human nature, but I see it as something I learned from arguing with particular people all my life.  If I could keep the blame off of my shoulders, I could get away with anything and everything.  Obviously, this isn't the way to go; it's wrong to always blame others and run from what you had coming.  Besides being a coward, it's just not taking the punches for what you did wrong, in my eyes.

My biggest way of evaluating my anger, irritation, or just an upset is writing.  If there is something I really need to work out, but I just really can't see past my own sense of self-righteousness, I write.  Whether it be on my blog, in my personal journal, or in some other place I love to just sit and let it all out onto the pages.

After writing all of this, I think that my nerve doesn't feel as violated, haha.  In this particular instance, I believe I was truly at fault.  Perhaps, my friend did do something to cause it, but all the same, it was my reaction that really should be my concern. 
Well, I'm gonna go work this out.  Deep breaths, sigh, calm thoughts... :)