"I would rather feel loss, grief, and sorrow than depression; it is better to feel something than nothing at all, but nay, for me to feel this loss would be to have selfishness eating away at my heart; therefore, I sit in an everlasting battle for feeling and control of my mind, as I refuse to let go of that which needs me, and I it."
~T.A.~
I think there's a lot to be said about those who battle depression and actually pull through. It's a tough thing to do, and I know that personally. It's been a long time since I have been depressed, mostly as a result of a change of heart.
I found this quote actually in the drafts I had saved on my blog, and I realized that I actually wrote it about a year after my experiences. To me, this quote isn't really something special, it's simply how I felt then, but I can say that there's a deeper meaning of the quote to me that I can actually connect to at this time in my life. While I don't battle depression today, I do battle the feeling of wanting to give up in certain situations in my life, but the fact that people are either depending on me or need me unknowingly to be there for them, is often what reminds me that taking what seems like the easier road is not always best for everyone involved, just as someone who is considering taking themselves out of this world is most often making a selfish choice.
I found this quote actually in the drafts I had saved on my blog, and I realized that I actually wrote it about a year after my experiences. To me, this quote isn't really something special, it's simply how I felt then, but I can say that there's a deeper meaning of the quote to me that I can actually connect to at this time in my life. While I don't battle depression today, I do battle the feeling of wanting to give up in certain situations in my life, but the fact that people are either depending on me or need me unknowingly to be there for them, is often what reminds me that taking what seems like the easier road is not always best for everyone involved, just as someone who is considering taking themselves out of this world is most often making a selfish choice.
When I found this quote, I found this 'explanation' of sorts with it. I put it in the comments for you to read if you'd like, but I didn't think I needed to put it into the actual post for various reasons.
ReplyDeleteI thought that this quote can go a few different ways. The first thing that comes to mind is the depression new mothers go through. They love their child, but at the same time that depression is making living with them difficult. And then they see that they need to keep sticking around because the kid needs them, and they find that they need their kid too, no matter how crappy they feel.
Another is some sort of relationship. Perhaps a pair of best friends or a couple who are going through a rough patch.
The best friends could be going through a time where one of them is having a hard time coping with something in his or her life, and he or she is slowly slipping away, farther and farther into depression, while the other is trying to help but feels as if they are getting no where. The friend who is the bystander, trying to help, may feel as if his efforts aren't doing anything, and the fact that his friend is slipping from his grasp is driving his mind to depression, but he knows that if he lets go, his best friend will fall.
The couple on the other hand may be trying to work out their differences. One of them may be simply prone to depression, even if they really want to try and work it all out. He knows that he wants to feel and that giving up isn't something he wants to do, but that feeling of depression is deepening, fogging up emotions and feelings so that he knows one thing, but feels the opposite because that's all he can feel. All the same, he knows how he is when it comes to depression, so he holds on because he knows letting go of the one he loves will only hurt her, and through hurting her, he will hurt himself, perhaps even more.