Decisions, decisions...

There's always those moments in my life when I realize that everything is going the way it should be and all seems to be right in the universe. Then, as if the gods of chaos heard my thoughts, all manner of hell-ish things break loose, and I wonder what on earth happened to my semi-perfect world, where the grass was green, the sky was blue, and you had me and I had you sort of thing.

Life seems to work that way. Just when you think that you are doing really well and just when you believe that nothing, and I mean nothing, could bring you down or make your life miserable, a plethora of things seem to become issues at once. My life seemed to be going well a few months ago, I had a steady boyfriend who I loved to be around and who loved to be around me, I never had a boring weekend, my mother liked the guy I was with, my other family seemed to be doing well, etc.

Then, right after our Christmas break from school, I felt a disturbance in the Force.... My boyfriend dumped me because he thought he wasn't good enough basically; my mom was totally upset that he broke up with me and blamed me for a lot of it; my other family seemed a tad insensitive but were otherwise a bit supportive; I thought that I had handled the whole situation well, but in reality, I had entered a long period of depression; my grades began to drop drastically; and homework was overwhelming, especially since all I ever wanted to do was sit and stare at the wall and the floor in my room. I was drowning... fast. [The post on depression is related to this period of my life.]

After my depression session, I could finally see clearly enough to want to get my life put back together and work to make my life what I wanted it to be. I'd finally breached the surface, and the air had never tasted sweeter. [As a side note, I gotta tell ya, you have never experienced the ultimate happiness until you've experienced the ultimate deepest darkest pits of despair and misery.] Picking up where I had left life, I began to put my heart back together, which unfortunately will never be a complete job, since part of it was left in others' hands, but that's a different story.

When the light at the end of the tunnel began to seem really close, I became happy again like I used to be, but of course life always has to throw some stuff at you, and a friend called, leaving me at another crossroad in my life. To date or not to date? Yeah he loves me, but do I love him? Am I willing to give him a second chance? Am I ready to try love again? I guess this is all pretty soppy, but it's life.